Never letting you go
by LongLiveLana
Summary: Emma and Regina finally have to admit their feelings for each other when Emma suggests sharing a heart with Killian. It won't work without true love, and Emma loves Regina
1. Chapter 1

But my heart is with you

"You're going to hell?" Asked Mary Margaret, giving David a side glance. "I'm getting him back. This isn't fair to Killian, Gold tricked him" I explained, then said quietly "You two share a heart, we will too"

"It could work" said Regina, her arm round Henry. At least she has faith, she believes in me, she always has. I shook my head slightly; I couldn't think of her now, not when Hook needed me, I had to stay focus no matter what.

I left the room, leaving my parents to make their arrangements for Neal, but really I just had to get away. How was I going to keep this up? The pretence couldn't go on, Hook would know the truth the moment it didn't work, not the whole truth, but still. I can't give him my heart when it's with another, but he doesn't deserve his fate.

I remember the day he said I was his happy ending, it seemed so long ago. Words didn't seem to exist anymore, or at least none came to mind. I kissed him, I couldn't bring myself to say he wasn't mine.

Then there was her, the one who never gave up on me, even in darkness. It hurt me more than I could ever say when she felt unloved, that no one would ever love her. God, I wanted to be her happy ending. She wouldn't listen, I knew she'd be loved when I myself loved her, but I couldn't tell her. I can think "I wouldn't hurt her like that" as much as I want, she would never feel that way about me. She'd never love me when she loves another.

This is why I couldn't tell Hook. The pain, the horrible and intense pain it caused me, he didn't deserve to feel that way. He should be happy. Maybe one day it'll pass, I'd tell myself, maybe I'll love him back. Maybe. But denial got me nothing but false hope.

There was a knock at the door. "Henry?" I called out hopefully; he always knew just how to make me smile, especially when I needed it most. "No, it's me". Regina. Excitement and fear stirred in my stomach, I felt ready to explode with emotion. "It's open" I croaked out. She came and sat by me, brushing her dark hair from her eyes. "You sure you're up for this Swan?" I sighed and shook my head "I…I don't know". Regina looked confused "What do you mean 'you don't know'? I was expecting a hope speech if I'm honest, going to hell doesn't exactly sound like a barrel of laughs so…" She trailed off. "You sounded so sure before, what changed?"

"Nothing…I just couldn't keep it up any more" I couldn't even be bothered to lie to her anymore. What was the point? She'd find out soon enough.

"Swan? What aren't you telling me" She'd stood up now, moving around me to get a better look at my face. My secrets wouldn't be hidden there; I'd kept them for too long.

"We can't share a heart, it wouldn't work…it's not…it's not true love Regina" I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I'd never imagined saying these words, telling her everything, but it felt so good. I didn't stop.

"I didn't want to lie to him I didn't want for him to be lost again when he'd found happiness. He deserves it, he deserves a happy ending…but mine isn't with him Regina and I…I can't do this anymore!"

"Swan" Regina prompted "Just say it, you can trust me"

"It's you Regina, it's always been you, okay?! I love you!" I cried out. I'd wanted to say that for as long as I felt it.

She looked….no…shocked wasn't the word. Scared, confused, unsure of how to continue. For the first time for as long as I've known her, she was speechless. She backed away, hands grasping for the door; she was going to leave me, leave me like everyone else had. "No! Regina wait! Please!" I cried out, but she was gone and I was left with nothing but my own tears as I slid down the wall behind me. So much for a happy ending.


	2. Chapter 2

(Regina's POV)

The moment I was out the door felt tears falling down my cheeks. There was no point in running so I transported myself to my vault, a place I knew I'd find peace.

Honestly, I couldn't believe it, I'd had suspicions in the early days, before Captain Guyliner came along, but now? I'd assumed she'd moved on, fell for someone who'd fell for her. But she hadn't. I never wanted to admit how I'd felt to her, it seemed far too ironic, the evil queen falling for the saviour who ruined her plans. When I met Robin…I remember my heart screaming out her name, feeling the confusion now there was another. I'd settled for a different happy ending and it felt…I never knew what to feel. I'd not exactly experienced a happy ending before, how was I to know what it was supposed to feel like. That and I don't know how to love very well. 'It's me' I'd tell myself 'I'm doing something wrong'. I guess really it wasn't me after all, it was Emma. I can't love Robin when I still loved her, but I had to settle for it. Being with Robin made me happy. Like Swan, he believed in me. But it wasn't the same, it never will be, but I dealt with it.

When Emma sacrificed herself to the darkness for me, I didn't know how to feel. Hope and sadness and grief and so many other emotions would filter through, but mainly pain, I couldn't believe she of all people was being drawn into the dark. But she'd gone there for me and that's what hurt the most.

But now, finding out it was true? I ran my hands through my hair in exasperation; I had no idea what to do. Emma still didn't know I had feelings for her, she probably thinks I hate her, but it's the complete opposite. I had to tell her, I couldn't leave her feeling the same pain I'd felt for all these years.

Disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke once more, I reappeared in Emma's room. I couldn't see her, but there was a faint sobbing coming from the bathroom. I knocked lightly and called out to her just like before "Swan?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Swan?" Came Regina's voice at the door. "Swan!" She tried the handle but I'd locked it and she knew better than to transport in. "Emma" she said more gently "I came to tell you…I came to say I feel the same way Emma! Emma please believe me I swear…it's always been you Swan, always!"

I got up and opened the door, seeing the tears on her face too, her eyes, her beautiful eyes I could get lost in forever, filled with that same pain I'd felt all these years.

"Regina…" I tried to think of words to say but there weren't any

"Emma…you've always been the one who stuck by me, you believed me when no one else did, even Henry. Gold wanted you to turn dark, he gave me a choice, and I chose you Swan! I always will, but I never thought you would chose me. But you…" I cut her off and embraced her; I'd waited for this moment too long.

I pulled back "I…I love you but I can't Regina…for Killian's sake. I have to save him, but you're my true love Regina, how can we share a heart if it's already with you?"

"There's….there's another way but…the effects would be…well I'm not sure what would happen"

I looked at her, wondering what had in mind. "It'd be a…forgetting potion. You'd forget I existed, forget that you…that you love me. Without me…your true love would be Killian, you could save him"

"I don't want to lose you Regina, I've lost everything, I can't lose you too" I cried out.

Regina looked in more pain than I've ever seen her, like she was trying to be strong, like she always was.

"You'll get Hook though, he'll be by your side again, you'll love him like he loves you"

"But Regina…I love you, I don't want Hook instead, I want you…I just want him to be safe…"

"Swan…this is the only way"


	4. Chapter 4

"Swan…this is the only way" I said quietly. I wasn't looking at her anymore…I just couldn't. Just knowing she was going to be taken away from me in the worst possible way hurt me deeply. I couldn't look into her eyes anymore, those eyes that would soon come to look at me as a stranger, see through me like nothing had ever happened between us.

"How long would it take to make" I looked up "You're doing it then?" She nodded slowly, but I could tell she didn't want to. She was doing it for him, 'it's just what heroes do' I thought. After all, she is the saviour, and what more of a sacrifice could she make for someone else? "Not long, I'll go make it now. I'll come back when it's done" and I disappeared, back to my vault once more.


	5. Chapter 5

Moments after Regina vanished, Henry opened the door. "Mom?" He asked "Have you been crying? What's wrong?" I shook my head "Nothing, Henry. Just…making some preparations for the journey".

"It won't work!" He cried out "You don't love him, it'll kill you to try and share a heart" My mouth dropped open "You…how do you know that"

"Mom, I might be young but I'm not blind, or stupid. I can see how you look at her, and how she's looked at you, I know you love each other! That's your true love!"

"Henry" I said, putting my hand on his shoulder "I know, we've got a plan, we're gonna make it work and save him, one way or another"


	6. Chapter 6

Having finished the forgetting potion, I reappeared back at the apartment. Emma and Henry turned to face me; 'I guess he knows now' I thought. "It's ready" I said. There wasn't anything else to say to her here, not with Henry around at least. I took us back to the vault before he could speak up, leaving him behind with a cloud of purple smoke.

"You ready, Swan?" I asked, conjuring a glass and filling it with the potion. It was dark and murky, I was glad it wasn't mine to drink, but not that she had to drink it. She nodded. I didn't want this to happen, but this…saving Hook, being the saviour, that was what she wanted, so that was what she would do. "Regina, I…" I leaned forward and kissed her, cutting her off. I couldn't spend my last moments with her, the Emma that loved me, in sadness. We parted and she whispered "I'm sorry". I couldn't stand this anymore, it was like she was being ripped from me, just like Daniel was, but at least he knew me when he died. Emma moved her shaky hand towards mine, grasping my wrist for a moment before taking the glass from my hand.

As she lifted the glass to her mouth, I grabbed her other hand. "Goodbye, Miss. Swan" I said as she drained the glass. She put it down, keeping her eyes on me. I saw it, the Emma I knew slipping away. Her stare gave it all away, every part of her that loved me was being ripped from her and those eyes that looked at me with love were now filled with confusion and grief for someone she no longer knew. She ripped her hand away from mine "Who are you? I don't know you! Get away from me! Why were you holding my hand?! In fact, you know what, I'm gonna go" and she was gone in a puff of white smoke.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Reviews would be much appreciated:) sorry I'm a terrible writer for updates**

After the encounter with the wacko woman in a pantsuit, I poofed back to my parents apartment. My head was throbbing. "Crazy woman" I murmured "probably drugged me or something". I didn't bother knocking and walked straight in and was met with a group of eyes staring at me. "Mom?" Henry said, almost cautiously "Everything okay?" Mary Margaret looked just as concerned and she gave David a funny look. "I'm fine, kid, apart from the fact that Hook is in the freaking UNDERWORLD! Oh, that, and for some reason this woman must have drugged me or something, my head feels all foggy and we haven't got time for this. The longer we waste time talking, the longer Killian spends in hell" The assembled group looked rather taken aback at my speech, but I didn't care. What did they expect? "We need to go right now, where the crocodile?"

"The crocodile?" David asked. "Yeah the crocodile, Killian's said it enough times so surely you know I mean the new bloody dark one. We need him here now so we can go" I looked around expectantly. "What? You've been giving me the fricking googly eyes since I walked in and we have a boat to catch" Mary Margaret shook her head in denial "it's nothing, it's understandable actually just…" She shook her head again "I'll go get Regina then we can find Gold" I looked at her, confused "Who's Regina?"


	8. Chapter 8

I didn't want to move. I didn't want to start processing that Emma was gone, never to return, never to be seen again. At least, not the same Emma. Why she was so determined to save her drunken sailer, I had no idea, but she was certainly one for making great sacrifices, she always had been, constantly going out of her way to make others happy, sometimes at the expense of herself. But this, this was too much.

I leant back against the wall, slowly sliding to the floor. Emma was probably half way to hell by now, I doubted Mary Margaret would mind my absence on the adventure. Although we'd come a long way, she wouldn't be one to question my whereabouts or wellbeing at a time like this. That was what Emma. Oh Emma, what have you done?

My phone rang out from my pocket, breaking into my thoughts. No doubt it was Robin, probably in search of a reason for my disappearance. Strange, it was none other than the aforementioned formed enemy herself. Clearing my throat to sound as normal as possible, I answered it "Hello?"

"Regina, something's wrong. It's Emma, she doesn't remember you, she's…different. She'd never get angry like this, not in front of Henry. We need you're help" I let out a long sigh. "I did this….it was at her request, her sudden change in…temperament…is to be expected. There's nothing we can do. I suggest you hurry your arrangements for your journey" I could hear Charming talking to her in the background, and the faint sound of shouting. "Regina, we need you to come with us, she still wants to share a heart with Hook, she can't do it herself, plus we need some magical back up that isn't Rumplestiltskin"

I sighed. Emma deserved this, no matter what my feelings about the leather-clad pirate. If this is what she wanted, I should help. But for one thing, Emma didn't trust me now. Hell, she didn't even know who I was. How was I supposed to help her now? That, and I didn't know how I'd manage, seeing her look at me with no feeling. I may have been blind to her affections, but I knew she cared. That was enough. It'd been bad enough with Henry, I have no idea how I could cope the second time around. "Regina?" Snow asked tentatively. "Fine. I'll be there. But she won't like it"


End file.
